This article is written by Ronald Huereca, also known as Ronalfy, web developer, author of the WP Ajax Edit Comments WordPress Plugin and one of the main contributors to Reader Appreciation Project.
Congratulations, you’ve just made it to the front page of Digg. And your site couldn’t handle the load and had to be put under for a few hours. Here are nine ways to make sure you never experience the dreaded Digg Effect ever again.
1. Take that Stupid Digg Button Off Your Site
Are you actually asking to get Dugg? The best way to survive the Digg Effect is to never experience it in the first place. Take that stupid button off or else people might actually digg your post.
2. Give the Digg Button A New Destination
If you like the Digg button so much (the colors match your blog so well!), leave it there, but make sure to link it to Slashdot submission form. Eventual diggers will have a cool surprise.
3. Chastise Everyone Who Submits Your Site to Digg
It’s a conspiracy! Everyone who diggs your site is trying to take it down. Find out who dugg your post and send them a tersely worded message (with at least five expletives) to not ever digg a post on your site ever again.
If they continue to digg, threaten their cats.
4. Bury Your Own Posts
In the event that someone decided to digg your post, you can work against the system. Bury your own post. And get your friends to bury it. It’s the least they could do, right?
5. Write at Least One Anti-Digg Reference Per Post
Sprinkle a few anti-Digg messages in your post. Commonly used phrases could be:
- Digg sucks.
- Slashdot is better.
- Digg users are mean.
- Slashdot is way better.
- Digg users are immature.
- Slashdot is the supreme being. Digg is its bitch.
6. Don’t Write Anything Remotely Useful
As stated earlier, the best way to survive a digg effect is to not get dugg in the first place. So why continue writing rubbish that people think is digg worthy? If you write about stuff nobody cares about, you will never have a problem. So please, stop writing about stuff people care about and start writing about useless stuff, like saving the environment.
7. Make at Least One Pro-Bush Statement
Make a claim of support for the United States President George W. Bush. Make sure to also make at least one anti-liberal statement as well. And also add in there that the United States is awesome.
8. Block All Digg Referrers
One of the best ways to survive a digg effect is to block digg traffic. Simply modify your htaccess to block a referrer and just add Digg to the mix. It works every time.
9. Get Banned by Digg
And by far the best way to digg-proof your blog is to get banned by Digg. The easiest way is to sign up for multiple accounts under the same IP and digg your post ad infinitum. You’ll eventually get caught, so go for it with style. And once you get that magic “you’ve been banned” e-mail, you can be satisfied that your blog is 100% digg proof.
Conclusion
If you follow these nine tips, I can guarantee that your blog will be 100% digg proof. So why not give them a try today?
21 Comments
This is a great doze of humor
Best way to survive digg – is to not get dugg? I can only recommend one more – not to blog, this way you most definitely ensure not to get dugg, stumbled, linked to or suffer from any other actions that might introduce load to your blog …
Great post!
LMAO. Excellent post. This brightened up my day.
Thank you, Alex and Jeff, and many thanks to Ronald for writing the article.
So are you the author of that great Ajax Edit Comments plugin? I have it installed in all of my self-hosted blogs.
Great post. I haven’t dugg it, but I’ve just given it a thumbs up at StumbleUpon.
Being an IT Technician who has had to build web servers that could withstand being Dugg or Slashdoted, I can say, emphatically, that your methods are fool proof!
LOL! Nice post! Thumbs up!
Alex,
Yes, not blogging or doing anything online is the best defense.
Jeff,
I’m glad you found the post entertaining. I was feeling very sarcastic when writing this post.
Simonne,
You’re welcome as always.
Karen,
Yes, I am the author. Thanks for installing the plugin Hopefully it’s working well for you.
JMorris,
I’m glad I have an expert opinion to back up my tips
Good post, made me laugh. I don’t understand why people want to get Dugg in the first place. I don’t want my server to go up in flames.
This is hilarious! For a while, I thought these were real tips!
“Digg users are immature.” ahahaqah
Nice posts rotfl..
When it comes to marketing, I believe in the dynamics of creative thinking and traditions. http://www.oakleafnow.com
This is some funny shizzle
Thanks everybody for the comments and for the votes. It seems that Digg doesn’t like us better than we like it
lol Great guest post, Ronald. It was really neat that you’ve continued on the same black humouristic path as Simonne
The best way not to get dugg is write something worthy of StumbleUpon
Thanks for the wonderful suggestion, I really enjoyed reading it. BTW I have not experienced Digg effect so far.
I’m glad you liked it, Nirmal. I haven’t experienced the Digg effect either, but I’ve been featured on the front page of other big sites which directed a lot of traffic to this blog.
Getting banned is easier than you suggest. Just submit your own content. Twice. Make sure you include an affiliate link.
Nice humour…
However, the Digg traffic will not work for all folks, visitors are still visitors 
At first, I didn’t know if you were seriously against digg, or just joking around.
Great post. Very entertainging and informative at the same time.
I personally haven’t used Digg on my site, but I’m always open to new stuff.
I thought that this post would have made to front page of digg .. some digg lover without sense of humor must have buried your post
Hey Nishu, I suppose hitting the front page depends mostly on who’s submitting it to Digg. I’m not such an active user.
One Trackback
[...] necessarily a good thing, all that traffic, all those bandwidth costs – so Simonne has provided 9 Ways to Digg proof your blog [...]