Comments on: Are friendship and love unconditional? http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/ Tips, tricks for a better life Wed, 19 Nov 2008 11:47:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Simonne http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1909 Simonne Mon, 07 Jan 2008 07:53:46 +0000 http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/blog/2007/05/09/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1909 You know, Fred, scientists say that the more we are exposed to certain stimuli, the stronger the correspondent connections between the neurons are. Yes, one can still love his wife who left, but in time, those connections in his brain will fade, and he'll find himself one day wondering how was it possible to love that cruel woman. It's strange, but it seems that brain is really a smart machine. You know, Fred, scientists say that the more we are exposed to certain stimuli, the stronger the correspondent connections between the neurons are. Yes, one can still love his wife who left, but in time, those connections in his brain will fade, and he’ll find himself one day wondering how was it possible to love that cruel woman. It’s strange, but it seems that brain is really a smart machine.

]]> By: Fred http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1910 Fred Mon, 07 Jan 2008 00:22:09 +0000 http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/blog/2007/05/09/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1910 Unconditional love...an interesting concept indeed and one I have given beaucoup thought energy of late. Regarding relationship-based romantic love, to pass the test of unconditionality (a word i just made up) would it not have to continue unaltered even if the loved partner has since left and married another? IS that possible? Unconditional love…an interesting concept indeed and one I have given beaucoup thought energy of late. Regarding relationship-based romantic love, to pass the test of unconditionality (a word i just made up) would it not have to continue unaltered even if the loved partner has since left and married another? IS that possible?

]]> By: Simonne http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1908 Simonne Sun, 16 Sep 2007 06:13:07 +0000 http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/blog/2007/05/09/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1908 Hi Ruth, thanks for your question. This is a difficult one. You are right, being aggressive is not good for any of the parties, nor for the friendship. However, being offended by a friend, I would try to put myself in his shoes and see how he judged that situation. Maybe we have different values regarding some life aspects, thus the misunderstanding. If this makes my friend happy, I would let him think that he was right. But each situation has its own characteristics, so I wouldn't judge from an outsider position. The involved parties know better. And sometimes an old friendship may be more valuable than being right. Hi Ruth, thanks for your question. This is a difficult one. You are right, being aggressive is not good for any of the parties, nor for the friendship. However, being offended by a friend, I would try to put myself in his shoes and see how he judged that situation. Maybe we have different values regarding some life aspects, thus the misunderstanding. If this makes my friend happy, I would let him think that he was right. But each situation has its own characteristics, so I wouldn’t judge from an outsider position. The involved parties know better. And sometimes an old friendship may be more valuable than being right.

]]> By: ruth http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1907 ruth Thu, 13 Sep 2007 14:37:09 +0000 http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/blog/2007/05/09/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1907 hi want to ask a question, when a friend, has been unjust and has offended you and you tried to defend yourself, but he still thinks he was right, then , what.. i dont think an aggressive attitude on anyone s part is healthy for any relationship so dont you think that a condition of respect in future should be made? i mean, a real unconditioned friendship love can only last under the condition of mutual respect. so shouldnt conditions be made?? regards hi
want to ask a question, when a friend, has been unjust and has offended you and you tried to defend yourself, but he still thinks he was right, then , what.. i dont think an aggressive attitude on anyone s part is healthy for any relationship so dont you think that a condition of respect in future should be made? i mean, a real unconditioned friendship love can only last under the condition of mutual respect. so shouldnt conditions be made?? regards

]]> By: BenAzouz http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1900 BenAzouz Fri, 22 Jun 2007 12:25:36 +0000 http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/blog/2007/05/09/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1900 Thank you too for your prompt reply. Let tell you one more thing about the internet (or electronic) love and friendship. 99.9% of the these cables and wireless relationship are dead in advance. I'm sorry to tell you that not a single relationship remains more than days or maximum months except for 001% only. The problem is not in the internet or electronice because we made it, but the problem of users and their unforeseen goals. Thank you too for your prompt reply. Let tell you one more thing about the internet (or electronic) love and friendship. 99.9% of the these cables and wireless relationship are dead in advance. I’m sorry to tell you that not a single relationship remains more than days or maximum months except for 001% only. The problem is not in the internet or electronice because we made it, but the problem of users and their unforeseen goals.

]]> By: Simonne http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1901 Simonne Fri, 22 Jun 2007 12:16:53 +0000 http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/blog/2007/05/09/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1901 Thank you, BenAzouz. I agree that putting unfair conditions cannot be called love. I'm sorry to hear your sad story, but "never say never": you might encounter real love again, who knows? Thank you, BenAzouz. I agree that putting unfair conditions cannot be called love. I’m sorry to hear your sad story, but “never say never”: you might encounter real love again, who knows?

]]> By: BenAzouz http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1902 BenAzouz Fri, 22 Jun 2007 11:49:52 +0000 http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/blog/2007/05/09/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1902 Hi, as a recently broken heart, when I discovered the unfair conditions of my lover put, while she was still calling it unconditional love. In my opinion, the real and true love should be unconditional but also not to exceed the green lines, but when you get engaged just to put and creat new unfair conditions then it is not even love at all, it is type of killing love in hearts. In brief, I'm here just to tell there's no unconditional love except in our drams, since we consider "Yes" and "No" as final answers for our friendly questions. I can easily also say that it was my first and last real love all over my life. Hi, as a recently broken heart, when I discovered the unfair conditions of my lover put, while she was still calling it unconditional love. In my opinion, the real and true love should be unconditional but also not to exceed the green lines, but when you get engaged just to put and creat new unfair conditions then it is not even love at all, it is type of killing love in hearts. In brief, I’m here just to tell there’s no unconditional love except in our drams, since we consider “Yes” and “No” as final answers for our friendly questions. I can easily also say that it was my first and last real love all over my life.

]]> By: 8 Pulsating Thought-Provoking Questions From Blogiverse » Inspiration Bit http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1898 8 Pulsating Thought-Provoking Questions From Blogiverse » Inspiration Bit Tue, 29 May 2007 09:18:15 +0000 http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/blog/2007/05/09/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1898 [...] Are friendship and love unconditional? I think there’s always some kind of a condition exists in any relationship. One of the life lessons that I keep learning and stumbling upon is that “never say never”. I may feel now that my friendship is unconditional and that I will do anything for this friend. But what if I get unfairly stabbed by a certain behaviour of this friend, would I simply swallow the bitter pill or burn those friendly ties? [...] [...] Are friendship and love unconditional? I think there’s always some kind of a condition exists in any relationship. One of the life lessons that I keep learning and stumbling upon is that “never say never”. I may feel now that my friendship is unconditional and that I will do anything for this friend. But what if I get unfairly stabbed by a certain behaviour of this friend, would I simply swallow the bitter pill or burn those friendly ties? [...]

]]> By: Simonne http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1903 Simonne Fri, 18 May 2007 16:03:55 +0000 http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/blog/2007/05/09/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1903 Hey, Bes, thank you very much for your thoughts. I like the way you see this. Indeed, one cannot know how he/she would react in the event of such a scenario coming to life. I would be tempted to say that, yes, I would hide my friend. But I don't know if life will prove my statement or not. Hey, Bes, thank you very much for your thoughts. I like the way you see this. Indeed, one cannot know how he/she would react in the event of such a scenario coming to life. I would be tempted to say that, yes, I would hide my friend. But I don’t know if life will prove my statement or not.

]]> By: Bes http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1899 Bes Thu, 17 May 2007 19:58:50 +0000 http://www.alltipsandtricks.com/blog/2007/05/09/are-friendship-and-love-unconditional/#comment-1899 First of all, that is one of the cutest feed icon I have seen! :) We need more smiley faces to show sincerity where it is needed, instead of seriousness. Now, onto the topic: this is a very interesting and powerful topic. True friendship is both conditional and unconditional. However, with the situations you provided, I am thinking many people may confuse the concept of unconditionalism. Let's forget what they teach us in textbooks and instead look at the very definition of unconditionalism. Does unconditionalism imply that we will do everything for someone else, or that we will do anything they want us to do for them. I can have unconditional love for my friend or even someone I am in any other sort of relationship with, but when it comes to a topic like murder where someone else has been affected, I can still have unconditional love for that person, but I will have to weigh in my unconditional love for the lives of innocent people with the unconditional love I have for my friend or the person in question. Imagine the same friend running into my house and screaming "I just killed a mass murderer or a serial rapist!" One of my focuses at that time will depend on who my friend is from the inside. The question then falls into my court, not on the concept of conditionalism but on whether or not I am willing to go ahead and participate in a mass event in the universe [ever death is a mass event] which was planned or executed without my presence, and by someone else. Unconditional love does not mean someone else can do anything bad and always expect me to support them 100%. Every persona reacts differently, and a person has to figure out whether or not I am with them all the time. If they also loved me unconditionally, they would have told me "Hey, I saw this serial killer and no one knows, I will go try to catch him or kill the bastard!!!" Sure, trying to justify having your own justice may seem like a good idea to many, but you have to factor in a lot of things. Why did the serial killer kill? Who did he kill? Why is my friend or the person I love interested in approaching or harming the killer? Is my friend being rational and willing to have a backup plan, like turning himself in to the authorities? I can ask these questions and a million more even when I find out what happened for the first time, and if it is already too late. This is my test of unconditional love, for my own self when it comes to others: how far and how much sacrifice I am willing to make for someone else in order to make them happy. Now, you can tie your question into my concept also, by saying how much I am willing to do to hide a friend's guiltiness or crime. Imagine this scenario: a friend of mine comes to me saying she was raped by a stranger and while running away, she accidentally stabbed the rapist and got away. Now the rapist is dead. Will I hide her? That is a personal question where my answer is a secret, and many of my close friends will know the answer. Now, will you hide her? That is a tough question, since saying a lot of things does not mean we will do them. Your friend can tell you "I love you" to get your full trust, and I am sure everyone hears the word "love" directed at them a lot. Most people will even "stop loving" someone if the "sex" factor was removed from a relationship, as if love was something that could be started and stopped easily. Therefore, being completely unconditional is something that is always expressed, but rarely exhibited. To the scenarios you presented, some people may get scared "OMG! YOU KILLED HIM????????" and some people may go "WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED? TELL ME", some others may even respond otherwise. That reaction may have nothing to do with their love but how they grasp things, and how they feel the current situation may affect their life, and maybe the life of their friend. For me, a time limit of an hour or more is irrelevant; it may work for chg9389 above, but for me, I never revolve essential things to me around non-controllable things. I will not revolve someone else's life around the time frame of an hour or even two hours, but I will revolve my entire life around that person's life to help them if they are completely innocent and see what can be done. Of course, the concept of being innocent is a topic that deserves its own universe, or maybe a post. To answer the question simply, a person has to prove actual love when the time comes, no matter what their decision is. People can tell you a lot of answers to those questions since they simply want to comment on this post, but when it comes to actual scenario, everyone will react differently. Theorizing a scary scenario while sitting in a comfortable chair and a keyboard is easy, but when inside the actual scary scenario, reactions and thoughts may be different. The basis for many people's decision should show whether they are being fully unconditional or whether they are trying to protect their own rights or life also. Now, protecting your own life or interest is not bad, though that is also topic for another day. First of all, that is one of the cutest feed icon I have seen! :) We need more smiley faces to show sincerity where it is needed, instead of seriousness.

Now, onto the topic: this is a very interesting and powerful topic. True friendship is both conditional and unconditional.

However, with the situations you provided, I am thinking many people may confuse the concept of unconditionalism. Let’s forget what they teach us in textbooks and instead look at the very definition of unconditionalism. Does unconditionalism imply that we will do everything for someone else, or that we will do anything they want us to do for them.

I can have unconditional love for my friend or even someone I am in any other sort of relationship with, but when it comes to a topic like murder where someone else has been affected, I can still have unconditional love for that person, but I will have to weigh in my unconditional love for the lives of innocent people with the unconditional love I have for my friend or the person in question.

Imagine the same friend running into my house and screaming “I just killed a mass murderer or a serial rapist!” One of my focuses at that time will depend on who my friend is from the inside. The question then falls into my court, not on the concept of conditionalism but on whether or not I am willing to go ahead and participate in a mass event in the universe [ever death is a mass event] which was planned or executed without my presence, and by someone else.

Unconditional love does not mean someone else can do anything bad and always expect me to support them 100%. Every persona reacts differently, and a person has to figure out whether or not I am with them all the time. If they also loved me unconditionally, they would have told me “Hey, I saw this serial killer and no one knows, I will go try to catch him or kill the bastard!!!” Sure, trying to justify having your own justice may seem like a good idea to many, but you have to factor in a lot of things. Why did the serial killer kill? Who did he kill? Why is my friend or the person I love interested in approaching or harming the killer? Is my friend being rational and willing to have a backup plan, like turning himself in to the authorities? I can ask these questions and a million more even when I find out what happened for the first time, and if it is already too late.

This is my test of unconditional love, for my own self when it comes to others: how far and how much sacrifice I am willing to make for someone else in order to make them happy. Now, you can tie your question into my concept also, by saying how much I am willing to do to hide a friend’s guiltiness or crime.

Imagine this scenario: a friend of mine comes to me saying she was raped by a stranger and while running away, she accidentally stabbed the rapist and got away. Now the rapist is dead. Will I hide her? That is a personal question where my answer is a secret, and many of my close friends will know the answer.

Now, will you hide her? That is a tough question, since saying a lot of things does not mean we will do them. Your friend can tell you “I love you” to get your full trust, and I am sure everyone hears the word “love” directed at them a lot. Most people will even “stop loving” someone if the “sex” factor was removed from a relationship, as if love was something that could be started and stopped easily. Therefore, being completely unconditional is something that is always expressed, but rarely exhibited.

To the scenarios you presented, some people may get scared “OMG! YOU KILLED HIM????????” and some people may go “WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED? TELL ME”, some others may even respond otherwise. That reaction may have nothing to do with their love but how they grasp things, and how they feel the current situation may affect their life, and maybe the life of their friend. For me, a time limit of an hour or more is irrelevant; it may work for chg9389 above, but for me, I never revolve essential things to me around non-controllable things. I will not revolve someone else’s life around the time frame of an hour or even two hours, but I will revolve my entire life around that person’s life to help them if they are completely innocent and see what can be done. Of course, the concept of being innocent is a topic that deserves its own universe, or maybe a post.

To answer the question simply, a person has to prove actual love when the time comes, no matter what their decision is. People can tell you a lot of answers to those questions since they simply want to comment on this post, but when it comes to actual scenario, everyone will react differently. Theorizing a scary scenario while sitting in a comfortable chair and a keyboard is easy, but when inside the actual scary scenario, reactions and thoughts may be different. The basis for many people’s decision should show whether they are being fully unconditional or whether they are trying to protect their own rights or life also. Now, protecting your own life or interest is not bad, though that is also topic for another day.

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