I will attempt to offer a different perspective which will be for better and for worse. You see we are not parents. I checked. Having English Labrador Retrievers and treating them like children does not technically qualify me or my wife. It is a necessary disclaimer.

It is not foolish to give concern to the unknown. This subject also does not follow regular protocols in some critical ways which is worth noting in spite of our immediate and often overwhelming emotions. We learn from what we are told, read, what we reason, what we observe and through processing direct personal experiences. I see in this article very pragmatic suggestions that address a series of very serious yet basic questions: “Should we?” “When?” “How do we know what to do?” and “Where does that assuring, specialized knowledge reside?” When taken one by one as the author has done here in addressing common myths, they are no longer as overwhelming (now remember I am childless, so I can stray over the line into being presumptuous very easily). It is still a momentous decision. I have at least had to consider the decision so I can empathize with the thoughts and emotions of those who are now in this situation. It appears to unite us in the human experience regardless of time or culture or nationality and today, even the gender of the couples.

But if we look around us, despite few parents doing the perfect job all of the time, it is clear we have statistically endured it all and have grown up with personal problems sufficiently resolved to entertain taking on one of life’s biggest responsibilities ourselves. Even in the worst case scenarios I have seen when parents could not uphold their good intentions and could not parent their children, those children did not all end up in prisons or psychologically incapacitated. It is not about money either. Freud and and his mentor did not make their living treating the poor but rather the mostly wealthy wives of the upper classes.

It is true that there is also evidence of shattered lives in societies where the family did not function, did not provide protection to children or even food clothing or shelter. That is incontestable unless Panglossian platitudes has been swallowed whole. Nonetheless, I have seen the resilience of some children in the very worst circumstances not only survive their ordeals but go on to have happy, productive lives. How is this possible, even as the exception to the rule? Well, perhaps we can be parents without wealth, experience parenting and still frightened by the prospect, make occasional mistakes and oversights and still see everything turn out fine. Few parents will contend with the life circumstances I described where they stop functioning as parents altogether. Do not misinterpret this as a lack of compassion for the many lost children in every society who will not be loved, mentored, fed or tucked into bed. This is a tragedy and unequally distributed on most societies. Perhaps adoption will be considered as an alternative for some of those prospective parents with the most compassion. But arguing in the extreme was used to make a point. The point still stands.

Did your parents make any mistakes or fail to meet all of your expectations? I suspect that they may have but that it is still alright. Did you still turn out OK? One of you was the disgraced felon and CEO of ENRON, but I mean all of the others who did not allegedly rob clients, even his own employees of their savings. As for all the flawed elected officials that make your blood pressure rise, they are actually our own fault for electing them to positions where they could so spectacularly fail. Some people end up like that even with good parents. Business and government also have ethical and moral individuals whether their parents deserved the credit or not. It is too complex to worry about.

Well, now also consider this happy affirmation: someone married you, hired you and you have friends plus cable TV. (Forgive me, it was getting too serious). Now consider your friends and coworkers? Has society fallen apart? Our fears can be put to rest by acknowledging ourselves and those around us as being overwhelmingly capable of managing to socially function despite having had parents who, by probability were likely all frightened or at least apprehensive and sincere but were all initially bonafide “amateurs” as parents.

Now consider the position of so many children who not only owe their very existence, their opportunity to experience life itself because the decision was yes. Some of whom have had long, deeply loving relationships with their children. It is a symbiotic relationship of intense emotional personal experiences that do not have easy to find substitutions. There is nothing in life that offers certainty or guarantees. Why should parenthood be different? All of us, on a sliding scale if you must judge, are evidence that parenting can be done sufficiently well without already having done it before or knowing everything there is about an unknowable future with unborn unique personalities that will comprise your family. It works out again and again. Resilience, compassion, wisdom, understanding and forgiveness - maybe luck - but the odds are apparently on your side. The proof is reflective and empirical. This thoughtful article to which I pay tribute helps you decide based upon reason.

Addendum: My eldest, Bob, did go through a period of stealing food on the table without disturbing a dish and also turning off my answering machine daily but he still turned out well. It was just a stage. At 90 pounds it was a miracle considering his otherwise lack of coordination. He never did stop honking the car horn using just his muzzle if left alone in the car. I do not know where I went wrong or right. It still makes me laugh. We were not the birth parents.

The biggest thing I’ve learned about parenting is that you grow as they grow — you learn as they learn. Like you mentioned in several of your points, you don’t need to have all the answers to be a good parent. It’s a position that’s surprisingly easy to grow into. Once you get past that first week or two, it’s pretty much smooth sailing and you’re on your way to being a professional parent.